The old clock ticks loudly, measuring the seconds as they dissipate into the nothingness that they always were. The silence is overwhelming, all encompassing. Today, 21st June 2013, is the southern hemisphere’s winter solstice — the exact moment (when the Sun reaches its furthest north position in the sky and starts moving back towards the south) will be at 3:04pm AEST. On this, the shortest day of the year, the sunrise is not the latest and the sunset is not the earliest. However, this day does have the least amount of daylight hours. It is the moment the scales tip in favour of the light over the darkness and the days gradually grow longer and brighter, although still getting colder as the height of Winter is not until mid-July where I live.
I wait for inspiration but none comes — feeling abandoned, lost in the ticking, the swing of the pendulum, the noise becomes louder echoing into nothingness, the abyss, eternal darkness. There is no light, only thick, smothering black — disturbing yet comforting at the same time. I call out to them again, a desperate plea for recognition, validation — a fleeting glimpse, a tiny spark appears but is swiftly gone again — only dreams and whispers. Feeling lost and alone. Perhaps with the return of the light, they too will return?
Yet, deep down I know that they haven’t really gone. Requests answered, uncanny synchronicities — all “proof” that they are still with me. Swirling thoughts cling to the pendulum, slowing its swing, dragging it to a full stop. Colours swimming about, blending into white then swirling free again creating a rainbow of confusion. Many voices chattering but none heard above the other — chaos, confusion, disparity of thought — letting go, flying free. Soaring over mountain tops with the wind rushing through my hair, feeling the currents sweep around my naked body as my wings beat steadily against the cool breeze, rising higher and higher through the clouds towards the Sun. A meeting of minds, gently touching, blending, merging, momentary ecstasy. Rising beyond the Earth, the Sun — floating amidst a starry backdrop — silence.
The ticking returns, steady and comforting — a heartbeat — I curl up, warm and contented, my wings wrapped around me, cloaking me from the cold and creating darkness to shield from the darkness — a world within a world within a world within a world ad infinitum — Dragon dreaming.
Centuries — maybe only moments — pass unnoticed. The heartbeat is once again the ticking clock. They have departed once more, yet remain here, always with me — existing between each swing of the pendulum in gateways from one reality to another — timeless.